Friday, February 24, 2012

BackwardsBoy, Political Consultant

(where I do my best R. Lee Ermey imitation)

OK, listen up ladies. I’m only going to say this once while I have you all in one place.

You want to win this election? Here’s what you need to do.

Cut the crap. I mean it. Have you seen your poll numbers lately? There ain’t a damned one of you that anyone wants to vote for. The only reason anybody will vote for you is that you’re not Obama.

Proud of yourselves?

Well you shouldn’t be!

What me and a few million of my fellow Americans are hearing ain’t cuttin’ it. Why are you sniping at each other and not talking about the real problems? Are you that shallow? Are you that insulated from the rest of the country that you don’t know what the rest of us are going through? Are you?

Look at me when I’m talking to you!

When was the last time any of you filled up your own gas tank with your own money? Hell, gas is $6 bucks a gallon already! Do you not know that high gas prices get passed along to everybody who buys anything that’s shipped by truck? Why do you think grocery prices are so high, cupcake?

And the deficit. Why the hell haven’t you said one damned word about how much money they’re spending up there in Washington? What’s it going for? Is it making our military forces stronger? Why hell no it’s not! Obama’s cutting back on our fighting forces while he’s busy sticking America’s nose all over the place and then calling it everything is isn’t. Kinetic military action, my ass. Anybody with an ounce of brains knows what’s going on. But do we hear one peep out of you about it? No we don’t!

And you, Rombley, or whatever your name is. What are you doing even mentioning the word “fairness” in the same sentence as tax rates? Did we interrupt your drum circle at the Occupy protest? You could’ve used that little speech the other day to educate some people, but what did you do? You pandered! Hell, no wonder your approval numbers can’t get above 25%! Who wants to vote for a damned weather vane? Hell, I can buy one at the local feed store for a lot less than you’d cost this country.

What are the rest of you laughing at, huh? I don’t see any of you doing anything to inspire people. Do I need to tell you that about 75 percent of this great country doesn’t feel like the government is doing what they want done? Seventy-five percent! That’s something to laugh about?!?

You disgust me.

Why in the hell aren’t you saying what needs to be said? Why aren’t you raking this little skinny Alinsky disciple over the coals every minute of every day after what he and that Pelosi woman and that little puke who calls himself a boxer Reid have done to this country? Hell, I’ve crapped better things than that bunch, but do we hear one word out of you about what you’d do to make things better? Do we hear anything out of you about how there needs to be a twenty percent reduction in force in Washington yesterdamnday? Why no we don’t! And why don’t any damned one of you mention a flat tax? Tell me, what the hell’s wrong with a flat tax rate of 12 per cent for everybody? NOTHING, THAT’S WHAT!!

You actually have the stones to think you can run this country? My grandmother has more spine than you do, and she’s dead!

You think being nice is going to do it? Well, DO YOU? Do you feel that it’s nice what this bunch of drug addled, washed up hippies we call an administration is busy doing to our country? Do you like that we can’t make anything here anymore and that we’re sending every dollar we can scrape up to our ChiCom buddies who’d like nothing more than to take us over when we default on their loans?

Do you like it that we’ve got a bazillion barrels of our own oil that we can’t drill for because some idiots believe that the Earth’s gonna warm up a degree or two over the next couple of CENTURIES? Does that make any sense to you?

Why of course it does. You’re politicians. You’re bred in a special facility so you won’t contaminate the rest of the population with your stupid.

You! Why are you crying? Did I hurt your widdow feelings? Well it’s about damn time somebody told you the truth. We’re tired of you playing nice with our domestic enemies! We’re sick of your pandering, your waffling and your little girly answers to these lefty reporter’s questions. When are you going to finally tell one of them they’re full of it and to ask a question that actually makes sense? Turn it around on them and show them for the liars they are! You can do it. Hell, my great-grandmother could do it. Maybe I ought to dig her up and sic her on your pathetic asses and stop wasting my time.

If you’re not going to say what needs to be said in this election and lay out exactly what you’re going to do to get this country turned around, then you’re even worse than I thought you were.

We used to have real men in this country. Men who’d call ‘em like they saw ‘em. But all we’ve got left is you.

Do I have to call your wives and get them to give me the key to the box that they keep your manhood in? Sheesh, I’ve never seen a bigger group of losers in my life as you four.

Did anything I say penetrate those thick skulls of yours? I hope so, because if it didn’t, we’re all up a creek without a paddle, and you’ll be the first ones we throw overboard! The sad thing is, none of you look like you know how to swim.

Now, get out there and show me what you’ve got! Be a real American man for once in your pathetic life and stand up for what you know in your heart is the right thing and don’t back down for a second!

Move it, move it, MOVE IT!

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