Friday, June 18, 2010

Friday Bits of Tid, US Open Edition

The US Open is under way at scenic Pebble Beach. Both Tiger and Lefty have their work cut out for them.

World Cup Team USA has just kissed Slovenia's sister - 2-2. Which brings up the question: can we tie our way to victory? I'm just askin'...

And now, for the post both of you have been waiting for.

It's Friday!

Someone needs to call the alien mothership and tell them to come retrieve this thing we call an Obama. It has obviously malfunctioned and is in dire need of some sort of repair. It gave a speech that only an off-worlder could appreciate (namely Keith Olberman) last Tuesday. The rest of us Earthlings were left scratching our heads. The man I want to be when I grow up, Charles Krauthammer, rebuts the speech here.

 If you didn't believe in angels before you read this, you may afterwards. Heart, cockles, warming. Some assembly required.

Conversely, Beelzebub stops a census.

And speaking of the devil, scientists are trying to map his genes. I wish they'd put a little more effort into finding out what a boffin is and why they seem to be constantly amazed.

Con-conversely, the Vatican considers the Blues Brothers a Catholic classic. Also count Crossroads with Ralph Macchio.

It would appear as though the World Cup is a matter of life and death to some, depending on where you watch. Also remember, there's no fun in Islam.

It was only a matter of time before they started replicating.

And finally, we present a scene in a high school counselor's office in about ten years. "Jimmy, when did you first know that you wanted to be an astronaut?"

"Well, Mr. Waterski, I was seven at the time..."

Y'all have a good'un' and Go Team USA and Lefty!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At first I was touched by this article, about the kindly old soul who has made it his mission to talk people down who are contemplating the super cliff-dive into the next dimension, whatever that may be. He seems like a hero, right?

But then I started thinking, "How many of those saved-souls go on to lead productive lives, and make a positive impact on the people around them?" A follow-up study is in order, to determine whether he's doing more harm than good by interfering like this. For all we know, one or more of those people he saved might have gone on to get drunk and cause multiple-fatality car accidents, or gone Columbine on an innocent group of civilians in a Denny's restaurant. You tamper with nature, and you may unleash a bit of "Final Destination"-style hell.

One time I saved a chipmunk that was cornered on my patio by a cat, by spraying the cat with the hose. I don't like cats, and I'm very allergic to them, but I was motivated more by compassion for the cute little rodent. The cat's owner came over a few minutes later to complain about me getting her little darling all wet, and I told her why I had sprayed the cat. She agreed that her cat was out of order in this instance. Later, in the fall, we discovered that our dryer-vent was all plugged-up with something, and it wasn't lint from the dryer. It was all kinds of nuts and crap, stashed in there by a chipmunk! That little bastard could have burned my house down, by causing a lint-fire.

It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.