Well, it appears we have something of a problem on our hands with this Romney fellow. Since the Obama SuperPAC ad connecting him with the death by cancer of one of Obama's union buddies hit the airwaves, other facts have begun to surface, as Ace and the Morons point out.
It would seem as though this Romney fellow is responsible for far more than that. Add to the list; JonBenet Ramsey, the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, dyspepsia, Nicole Brown Simpson, the housing crash of 2008, the entire Kennedy Clan, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the Hindenburg crash, Bobby Ewing, painful rectal itch, the burning of Rome, Sonny Bono, Abel, Gabby Giffords...
...and any pet you've ever loved.
Hope that clears everything up for everybody.
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Missing Churchill Bust
Inspector Holmes heard the muffled sound coming from his vest pocket. It wasn't so much the sound Holmes disliked, as he'd recently discovered he could have virtually any noise he wished to announce a call on one of these bloody new devices. No, it was the rather strong vibration that accompanied the Royal Philharmonic's rousing rendition of Rule Britannia that startled him. And he was not a man accustomed to surprises, especially those located so close to a vital organ such as his heart.
Freeing the smartphone from his pocket, he glanced at the screen. It was Watson, doubtless with news on their latest case, the one involving the whereabouts of a certain bust of Winston Churchill.
Holmes seemed to remember the initial reports of the bust having been removed from the American White House by this Obama fellow shortly after he had taken office in 2009. Rumour had it that the bust was spoken of in hushed tones by the new staff, often with mild cursing underbreath, but the latter point was never reliably established.
Recently though, new facts had emerged that cast doubt as to its actual location. Holmes had taken an interest in the case. He had appointed himself as the Unofficial Curator of British Historical Artifacts on Loan to America, in Service to Her Majesty.
He tapped the screen to accept Watson's call.
"Good day, Watson."
Watson returned the greeting, "Good day to you sir. I'll be brief, but I have some news that will solve this case of the missing bust of Churchill."
"Am I to assume you've located the bust, Watson?" said Holmes.
"It was, to coin a phrase, elementary, sir. It seems as though recent reports issued by the administration of this Indonesian fellow are incorrect."
Holmes had suspected as much. He silently wondered how so much mystery could bedevil a public figure. So little was known of him as to make him a vapour. Vast sums of money had been spent to disguise this man's past, so much so that the Inspector grew to distrust nearly every word he heard, along with most of the punctuation. It was a healthy speculation, borne of close scrutiny of the seamy underbelly of the powerful.
Watson continued, "It appears we can confirm our reservations for dinner this evening as planned."
"Don't keep me in suspense, man. Where is it?"
"Sir, you'll be delighted to know that the bust was indeed returned to us. It was right where that Charles Krauthammer fellow said it was all along."
"Splendid work, Watson! I shall relay this news to Her Majesty as soon as we hang up. I'm certain she'll be delighted to know the bust is safe in the bosom of England once more."
"So, dinner is on, is it? If you reach Hooters prior to my arrival, could I impose upon you to pre-order their lovely sliced pickles? I've grown rather fond of them. And a cold ale, if you please." Holmes said.
"Certainly, sir. Would you also like me to secure the services of our favorite serving wench, the lovely and talented Amber?" Watson inquired.
"By all means. Her smiling countenance and attractive comportment is always welcome at our table, wouldn't you agree?"
"Quite sir. I'll see you at seven."
Freeing the smartphone from his pocket, he glanced at the screen. It was Watson, doubtless with news on their latest case, the one involving the whereabouts of a certain bust of Winston Churchill.
Holmes seemed to remember the initial reports of the bust having been removed from the American White House by this Obama fellow shortly after he had taken office in 2009. Rumour had it that the bust was spoken of in hushed tones by the new staff, often with mild cursing underbreath, but the latter point was never reliably established.
Recently though, new facts had emerged that cast doubt as to its actual location. Holmes had taken an interest in the case. He had appointed himself as the Unofficial Curator of British Historical Artifacts on Loan to America, in Service to Her Majesty.
He tapped the screen to accept Watson's call.
"Good day, Watson."
Watson returned the greeting, "Good day to you sir. I'll be brief, but I have some news that will solve this case of the missing bust of Churchill."
"Am I to assume you've located the bust, Watson?" said Holmes.
"It was, to coin a phrase, elementary, sir. It seems as though recent reports issued by the administration of this Indonesian fellow are incorrect."
Holmes had suspected as much. He silently wondered how so much mystery could bedevil a public figure. So little was known of him as to make him a vapour. Vast sums of money had been spent to disguise this man's past, so much so that the Inspector grew to distrust nearly every word he heard, along with most of the punctuation. It was a healthy speculation, borne of close scrutiny of the seamy underbelly of the powerful.
Watson continued, "It appears we can confirm our reservations for dinner this evening as planned."
"Don't keep me in suspense, man. Where is it?"
"Sir, you'll be delighted to know that the bust was indeed returned to us. It was right where that Charles Krauthammer fellow said it was all along."
"Splendid work, Watson! I shall relay this news to Her Majesty as soon as we hang up. I'm certain she'll be delighted to know the bust is safe in the bosom of England once more."
"So, dinner is on, is it? If you reach Hooters prior to my arrival, could I impose upon you to pre-order their lovely sliced pickles? I've grown rather fond of them. And a cold ale, if you please." Holmes said.
"Certainly, sir. Would you also like me to secure the services of our favorite serving wench, the lovely and talented Amber?" Watson inquired.
"By all means. Her smiling countenance and attractive comportment is always welcome at our table, wouldn't you agree?"
"Quite sir. I'll see you at seven."
Thursday, July 19, 2012
This Post Brought to You by the Letter P - A Child's First Book of Government Regulations
Here's a good chuckle to get you started this morning: A Child's First Book of Government Regulations by Doug Ross.
"P" is for Progressive, "I" is for Idiot...
"P" is for Progressive, "I" is for Idiot...
Thursday, May 3, 2012
The Story of Julia - Is This How You'd Want Your Daughter to Live?
Fresh from the White House, Obama's Reelection Campaign, The Ministry of Information comes this little fantasy of a woman named Julia, who just can't make it in this big, old mean world without cradle-to-grave help from the government and your tax dollars.
The Life of Julia. Subtitled, "And how Mitt Romney will make it miserable." Put on your hip waders, boys and girls, the crap is going to get deep.
Notable by its absence is the influence of her parents. And when Julia decides to have a child, there's no mention of a husband. But at every step of her life, the government is there to give her a helping hand. Oh, and there's also no mention of a robust economy where Julia doesn't have to rely on the government for whatever scraps it decides to give her and she has the financial wherewithal to provide superior services for herself through the free market.
As you might guess, the Moron Horde had a field day with this little bit of wishcasting by the Children of the Left. Read the comments to find out what else happens to Julia...the crack-whore days during college, the sex-change operation, her denial of care by Obama's Death Panel which leads to a prolonged and agonizing death, her subsequent burial in the garden where she volunteered...
(Shamelessly stolen from Ace of Spades HQ)
UPDATE! Twitter feed for #LifeofJulia. Enjoy. I sure did.
UPDATE part Deux! Iowahawk, you magnificent bastard...
The Life of Julia. Subtitled, "And how Mitt Romney will make it miserable." Put on your hip waders, boys and girls, the crap is going to get deep.
Notable by its absence is the influence of her parents. And when Julia decides to have a child, there's no mention of a husband. But at every step of her life, the government is there to give her a helping hand. Oh, and there's also no mention of a robust economy where Julia doesn't have to rely on the government for whatever scraps it decides to give her and she has the financial wherewithal to provide superior services for herself through the free market.
As you might guess, the Moron Horde had a field day with this little bit of wishcasting by the Children of the Left. Read the comments to find out what else happens to Julia...the crack-whore days during college, the sex-change operation, her denial of care by Obama's Death Panel which leads to a prolonged and agonizing death, her subsequent burial in the garden where she volunteered...
(Shamelessly stolen from Ace of Spades HQ)
UPDATE! Twitter feed for #LifeofJulia. Enjoy. I sure did.
UPDATE part Deux! Iowahawk, you magnificent bastard...
Friday, October 7, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Occupation Edition
"What do we want?"
"A Friday Bits of Tid post!"
"When do we want it?"
"Now!"
Do you feel all occupied? I know I do.
It's good to know that all the protesters in the Occupy Wall Street demonstration have completely shunned any and all contact with the corporate world they claim to despise. I'm certain that they won't be using their iPhones or iPods or iPads, or using the greedy, corporate bathrooms at places like McDonalds. Or wearing any of those hip clothes, or shoes, or hoodies decorated with greedy, corporate logos made with slave child labor in China.
And they certainly wouldn't try anything as nefarious as Photoshopping Google pictures to make the protest crowd appear to be much larger than it is. They would never do that.
OK, let's occupy this blog, shall we?
At least our protests haven't gone to the dogs, like they have in Greece.
Fido has his own bed, food dish and now, his very own commercial, complete with a high-frequency sound that we humans can't hear.
Capitalism is alive and well, thank you, as evidenced by this new line of Hallmark layoff greeting cards. "Welcome to Funemployment!"
Remember Russian premier Vladimir Putin's scuba dive where he discovered some ancient Greek artifacts? It was faked. Color me surprised.
If they had brains, they wouldn't be thieves. This guy and this guy miraculously managed to snap their own mug shot with smartphones they stole. Now, if they turned on the GPS location feature, it'd be a simple matter for the police to find them.
Being a "double threat" in football usually means playing on both offense and defense. Here's a new wrinkle: place kicker and homecoming queen.
And finally, I can understand having a stereo on a motorcycle, but this takes it to a whole 'nother level.
Ride Rock on, dudes.
"A Friday Bits of Tid post!"
"When do we want it?"
"Now!"
Do you feel all occupied? I know I do.
It's good to know that all the protesters in the Occupy Wall Street demonstration have completely shunned any and all contact with the corporate world they claim to despise. I'm certain that they won't be using their iPhones or iPods or iPads, or using the greedy, corporate bathrooms at places like McDonalds. Or wearing any of those hip clothes, or shoes, or hoodies decorated with greedy, corporate logos made with slave child labor in China.
And they certainly wouldn't try anything as nefarious as Photoshopping Google pictures to make the protest crowd appear to be much larger than it is. They would never do that.
OK, let's occupy this blog, shall we?
At least our protests haven't gone to the dogs, like they have in Greece.
Fido has his own bed, food dish and now, his very own commercial, complete with a high-frequency sound that we humans can't hear.
Capitalism is alive and well, thank you, as evidenced by this new line of Hallmark layoff greeting cards. "Welcome to Funemployment!"
Remember Russian premier Vladimir Putin's scuba dive where he discovered some ancient Greek artifacts? It was faked. Color me surprised.
If they had brains, they wouldn't be thieves. This guy and this guy miraculously managed to snap their own mug shot with smartphones they stole. Now, if they turned on the GPS location feature, it'd be a simple matter for the police to find them.
Being a "double threat" in football usually means playing on both offense and defense. Here's a new wrinkle: place kicker and homecoming queen.
And finally, I can understand having a stereo on a motorcycle, but this takes it to a whole 'nother level.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - USS Nautilus Edition
You're probably wondering why I called you all here. It's Friday, that's reason enough.
On this day in 1954, the world's first nuclear-powered submarine, the USS Nautilus, was commissioned. This was a technological and tactical triumph for America that greatly enhanced our national security. In addition, it was a slap in the face to Russia, our Cold War adversary, as it was designed by U. S. Navy Captain Hyman Rickover, a Russian. This machine was the state of the maritime art and was celebrated as such in the media, much like the Space Shuttle.
It's worth noting that today's nuclear submarines are more technologically advanced than the Shuttle, which was, at the time of its launch, the most complex machine ever designed and constructed. One can only speculate how many future geeks and geekettes were inspired to join the Navy by the simple existence of the Nautilus.
OK, boys and girls, let's get to tidding.
Yesterday was National Coffee Day, which I missed because I hadn't had enough coffee yet.
And nothing would go better with a cup of the Elixir of Life than a $16 muffin. Did I hear someone ask for a recipe? Here you go.
Out here in the real world, this statement would be called the truth. Inside the DC Beltway, it's considered a gaffe. Since it came from Vice President Biden, it's a big, effin' gaffe...
Life imitates art, or more specifically a Pink Floyd album cover. A pig flies over London. I'll wait while you explain to your kids what an album is.
If you only watch one French Star Wars disco ballet today, make it this one. I coulda swore I saw a very young Jodi Foster at the end, for a femtosecond or two.
And finally, there's a stunning revelation from the good people over at the CERN supercollider. It seems that there just may be a subatomic particle that can travel faster than the speed of light. If true, it pokes a black hole in Einstein's Theory of Relativity.
And, seemingly on cue, comes this joke: And the bartender says, "You'll have to leave. We don't allow faster-than-light particles in here." A neutrino walks into a bar. (h/t to the Moron Horde over at Ace's Place)
Also on cue in a cosmic way, since this song from Klaatu was recorded back in the '70's, Little Neutrino. If you have some good ear buds, or even those antique headphone thingys, plug 'em in for this one.
That's it for now. I'll be back yesterday.
On this day in 1954, the world's first nuclear-powered submarine, the USS Nautilus, was commissioned. This was a technological and tactical triumph for America that greatly enhanced our national security. In addition, it was a slap in the face to Russia, our Cold War adversary, as it was designed by U. S. Navy Captain Hyman Rickover, a Russian. This machine was the state of the maritime art and was celebrated as such in the media, much like the Space Shuttle.
It's worth noting that today's nuclear submarines are more technologically advanced than the Shuttle, which was, at the time of its launch, the most complex machine ever designed and constructed. One can only speculate how many future geeks and geekettes were inspired to join the Navy by the simple existence of the Nautilus.
OK, boys and girls, let's get to tidding.
Yesterday was National Coffee Day, which I missed because I hadn't had enough coffee yet.
And nothing would go better with a cup of the Elixir of Life than a $16 muffin. Did I hear someone ask for a recipe? Here you go.
Out here in the real world, this statement would be called the truth. Inside the DC Beltway, it's considered a gaffe. Since it came from Vice President Biden, it's a big, effin' gaffe...
"Right now, understandably — totally legitimate — this is a referendum on Obama and Biden and the nature of the state of the economy,”You don't say...
Life imitates art, or more specifically a Pink Floyd album cover. A pig flies over London. I'll wait while you explain to your kids what an album is.
If you only watch one French Star Wars disco ballet today, make it this one. I coulda swore I saw a very young Jodi Foster at the end, for a femtosecond or two.
And finally, there's a stunning revelation from the good people over at the CERN supercollider. It seems that there just may be a subatomic particle that can travel faster than the speed of light. If true, it pokes a black hole in Einstein's Theory of Relativity.
And, seemingly on cue, comes this joke: And the bartender says, "You'll have to leave. We don't allow faster-than-light particles in here." A neutrino walks into a bar. (h/t to the Moron Horde over at Ace's Place)
Also on cue in a cosmic way, since this song from Klaatu was recorded back in the '70's, Little Neutrino. If you have some good ear buds, or even those antique headphone thingys, plug 'em in for this one.
That's it for now. I'll be back yesterday.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Satellite Catching Edition
Good Morning! It's another Friday, and if you watched the Republican Presidential Candidate Debate properly last night, you doubtless have a severe hangover from the drinking games.
To you I say, GOOD MORNING!
Who's up for some exercise today? We could all go outside and try to catch the satellite that's due to enter the atmosphere sometime today. Whoever catches it will win the Grand Prize: a free, one-year subscription to Everything is Backwards. (Pictures will be required for verification purposes.)
I missed the debate last night, as I had some musical-type business to attend to. BackwardsGirl was kind enough to record it, though. As a result, I couldn't tell you who the winner was, but as usual, you can leave your impressions in the comments.
I noticed that Gary Johnson was present for this one. I really would've liked to have heard Thad McCotter, but he dropped out of the race a few days too soon. With his poll numbers (or lack thereof), I kinda doubt he would've been invited anyway.
With an eye toward the sky, let's get to it. The bitting, that is.
Hey, I have an idea to reduce government spending. Howzabout we set a strict limit on the amount of money anyone in Washington can spend on muffins? $16 apiece sounds just a little high to me. But then again, we're dealing with a class of people who have no problem spending other peoples' money. I'd mention that it would really be nice if these folks would follow the Golden Rule, but that would probably just make me a racist or something...
Supporters of Gibson Guitars are holding arally concert. Details at the link. If you're in the area and can attend, please do so. If I was, I would.
On a related subject, here are 40 Noises that Built Pop.
The growing problem of Amish militancy.
What do German men do between Oktoberfests? Why, grow beards, of course. And then enter them into competitions. (Spoiler Alert: the guy with the reindeer beard wins.)
Um, Mr. President, this isn't the kind of American exceptionalism we're talking about.
Governor Gary Johnsons' neighbors' dogs, doing the job Obama won't do.
When fabric softener is outlawed, only outlaws will have fabric softener. Man breaks into house to do laundry.
NY assistant prosecutor moonlights as dominatrix. Talk about taking your work home with you...
And finally, I was reminded of something during the Rams/Giants game the other night. Watch at the 0:37 point...
It was this...
Y'all have a good weekend, y'all.
To you I say, GOOD MORNING!
Who's up for some exercise today? We could all go outside and try to catch the satellite that's due to enter the atmosphere sometime today. Whoever catches it will win the Grand Prize: a free, one-year subscription to Everything is Backwards. (Pictures will be required for verification purposes.)
I missed the debate last night, as I had some musical-type business to attend to. BackwardsGirl was kind enough to record it, though. As a result, I couldn't tell you who the winner was, but as usual, you can leave your impressions in the comments.
I noticed that Gary Johnson was present for this one. I really would've liked to have heard Thad McCotter, but he dropped out of the race a few days too soon. With his poll numbers (or lack thereof), I kinda doubt he would've been invited anyway.
With an eye toward the sky, let's get to it. The bitting, that is.
Hey, I have an idea to reduce government spending. Howzabout we set a strict limit on the amount of money anyone in Washington can spend on muffins? $16 apiece sounds just a little high to me. But then again, we're dealing with a class of people who have no problem spending other peoples' money. I'd mention that it would really be nice if these folks would follow the Golden Rule, but that would probably just make me a racist or something...
Supporters of Gibson Guitars are holding a
On a related subject, here are 40 Noises that Built Pop.
The growing problem of Amish militancy.
What do German men do between Oktoberfests? Why, grow beards, of course. And then enter them into competitions. (Spoiler Alert: the guy with the reindeer beard wins.)
Um, Mr. President, this isn't the kind of American exceptionalism we're talking about.
Governor Gary Johnsons' neighbors' dogs, doing the job Obama won't do.
When fabric softener is outlawed, only outlaws will have fabric softener. Man breaks into house to do laundry.
NY assistant prosecutor moonlights as dominatrix. Talk about taking your work home with you...
And finally, I was reminded of something during the Rams/Giants game the other night. Watch at the 0:37 point...
It was this...
Y'all have a good weekend, y'all.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - The Mayflower Edition
Yo, yo, yo, y'all. It's Friday again!
Yay?
On this day in 1620, The Mayflower departed England and set sail for the New World. 66 days later and 500 miles off course, she landed at present-day Provincetown, Massachusetts. The Mayflower Compact was drawn up and ratified en route, paving the way for the first ever lawsuit in New England.
Even the Pilgrims had priorities.
If you watched the Republican Presidential Candidate Debate last Monday, you know that Texas Governor Rick Perry caught a lot of flack from the other candidates for his attempt to require teenaged girls to get vaccinations against cervical cancer. Some of that criticism was deserved, that's part of the reason why the debates are held, to more fully explore the candidates' records.
It was Michelle Bachmann who led the most damaging attack Monday. The subject came up early, and Perry admitted to his mistake. Immediately after Perry's apology, Bachmann tore into him in what I considered a tasteless attempt to salvage her campaign. She later recounted to Greta Van Susteren the story of a tearful woman who had approached her afterwards, claiming her daughter had suffered mental retardation as a result of the vaccination, something that has yet to be verified.
Perry remained tight-lipped, and took his criticism like a man, but there's more to this story. It seems that the governor made a friend during that time, a young woman named Heather Burcham who was dying of cervical cancer.
Perry never mentioned this story during the debate. The fact that he didn't speaks volumes about his character, all of it good. By not playing this up, we got a good lesson in personal politics and insight into the man whom I'd like to see elected as President.
Let us tid.
This is encouraging. A Nobel Prize winning physicist has resigned from the American Physical Society over its' official position that man is causing "climate change," or whatever they're calling it this week.
There seems to be a large and growing rift between "climate scientists" and physicists over the issue. Hey, AlGore, is that science really settled, as you continue to claim? Doesn't appear so, does it? To quote the BlogFather, I'll start believing all these warmists dire prediction when they start acting like like their predictions are dire.
Is that a snake in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? No, it's a snake.
"Hello, 911? There's a drunk moose in my tree."
Roaddog cat.
Presisent Obama's very most favorite bazillionaire, Warren Buffett, you know, they guy who wants us all to pay more taxes, despite not setting the example by writing his own check to Washington to set an example, owes over $1Billion in back taxes himself.
Harry Reid take on the the great issue of our day: bike paths. The country's in the very best of hands.
And finally, the Obama reelection campaign's new site, Attack Watch.com, has become an overnight sensation. What you're supposed to do is go there to report any "distortions" published anywhere about our Dear Leader. What happened instead is the stuff of Internet legend. In less that 48 hours, it became a laughingstock, generating more jokes and snark than in any prior period in history. Here's a small sample:
I save the best for last. Hitler discovers the grim truth...
What, you haven't reported this site yet? What are you waiting for?
Y'all have a good weekend.
Yay?
On this day in 1620, The Mayflower departed England and set sail for the New World. 66 days later and 500 miles off course, she landed at present-day Provincetown, Massachusetts. The Mayflower Compact was drawn up and ratified en route, paving the way for the first ever lawsuit in New England.
Even the Pilgrims had priorities.
If you watched the Republican Presidential Candidate Debate last Monday, you know that Texas Governor Rick Perry caught a lot of flack from the other candidates for his attempt to require teenaged girls to get vaccinations against cervical cancer. Some of that criticism was deserved, that's part of the reason why the debates are held, to more fully explore the candidates' records.
It was Michelle Bachmann who led the most damaging attack Monday. The subject came up early, and Perry admitted to his mistake. Immediately after Perry's apology, Bachmann tore into him in what I considered a tasteless attempt to salvage her campaign. She later recounted to Greta Van Susteren the story of a tearful woman who had approached her afterwards, claiming her daughter had suffered mental retardation as a result of the vaccination, something that has yet to be verified.
Perry remained tight-lipped, and took his criticism like a man, but there's more to this story. It seems that the governor made a friend during that time, a young woman named Heather Burcham who was dying of cervical cancer.
Perry never mentioned this story during the debate. The fact that he didn't speaks volumes about his character, all of it good. By not playing this up, we got a good lesson in personal politics and insight into the man whom I'd like to see elected as President.
Let us tid.
This is encouraging. A Nobel Prize winning physicist has resigned from the American Physical Society over its' official position that man is causing "climate change," or whatever they're calling it this week.
There seems to be a large and growing rift between "climate scientists" and physicists over the issue. Hey, AlGore, is that science really settled, as you continue to claim? Doesn't appear so, does it? To quote the BlogFather, I'll start believing all these warmists dire prediction when they start acting like like their predictions are dire.
Is that a snake in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? No, it's a snake.
"Hello, 911? There's a drunk moose in my tree."
Road
Presisent Obama's very most favorite bazillionaire, Warren Buffett, you know, they guy who wants us all to pay more taxes, despite not setting the example by writing his own check to Washington to set an example, owes over $1Billion in back taxes himself.
Harry Reid take on the the great issue of our day: bike paths. The country's in the very best of hands.
And finally, the Obama reelection campaign's new site, Attack Watch.com, has become an overnight sensation. What you're supposed to do is go there to report any "distortions" published anywhere about our Dear Leader. What happened instead is the stuff of Internet legend. In less that 48 hours, it became a laughingstock, generating more jokes and snark than in any prior period in history. Here's a small sample:
...Both were met with comment after comment from readers offering the type of "attacks" they were going to report to the Obama re-election site. The #attackwatch Twitter page was immediately spammed with tweet after tweet heavy on sarcasm regarding the president's stimulus and jobs creation plans.And this video parody...
"hey #AttackWatch I heard the only good 'Cash For Clunkers' did was get all the obama stickers off the roads, thank you," tweeted @speedyjerry.
"Hey #attackwatch, I saw 6 ATM's in an alley, killing a Job. It looked like a hate crime!" wrote @thorninaz.
I save the best for last. Hitler discovers the grim truth...
What, you haven't reported this site yet? What are you waiting for?
Y'all have a good weekend.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Birth of the Ford Falcon Edition
On today's date in 1789, Congress founded the U.S. Treasury.
Today also marks a milestone in American automotive history. On this day in 1959, Ford Motor Company introduced the Falcon, America's answer to imported cars. I have some hood time with this model, it was solid, well built, and easy to work on. Those that came with the 289 c.i. engine were particularly peppy. IMO, the Falcon pre-filled the niche that the venerable Mustang would later occupy.
And speaking of Mustangs, Dear Santa Claus, I've been a very good Boy this year...
Which reminds me. If you're of a certain age and worked on cars, you can remember when most engines were designed with the distributor at the rear of the block. When you did a tune-up, you spent some time in the uncomfortable position of leaning into the engine compartment installing and adjusting the points.
It's some sort of cruel engineering joke that most modern cars have the distributor on the front of the engine in a very accessible position from which to perform maintenance. There's just one thing: no maintenance is required. Go figure.
Anywho, it's been a wild week. They're still cleaning up after Irene, which thankfully fizzled out and wasn't too big. The biggest political news was Obama scheduling his speech to a joint session of Congress on the night of a Republican presidential candidate debate that had been planned for months.
The British would call that "bad form."
Heh. The twelve NASCAR Chase drivers from last year have been invited to the White House to be honored. Five have scheduling conflicts and won't make it. BackwardsGal is tickled that her favorite driver, Carl Edwards, is among them.
Man steals tractor and drives it drunk. The next day, the tractor was unavailable for comments, as it was nursing a hangover. I'm here all week, try the veal.
Alcohol and politics rarely mix. Pennsylvania's wine kiosks have lost over $1 million taxpayer dollars. "It has shown that, with the aid of modern technology, the government can lose money while selling a highly popular product over which it has a monopoly."
Aging superheroes. (h/t to David Thompson)
Some good news about our current situation. It's in response to Mark Steyn's new book, After America: Get Ready for Armageddon, which Steyn notes as a caution, not a certainty, America is not the Titanic.
And finally, laser pointers aren't just for kittehs anymore...
Y'all have a good Labor Day weekend, y'all.
Today also marks a milestone in American automotive history. On this day in 1959, Ford Motor Company introduced the Falcon, America's answer to imported cars. I have some hood time with this model, it was solid, well built, and easy to work on. Those that came with the 289 c.i. engine were particularly peppy. IMO, the Falcon pre-filled the niche that the venerable Mustang would later occupy.
And speaking of Mustangs, Dear Santa Claus, I've been a very good Boy this year...
Which reminds me. If you're of a certain age and worked on cars, you can remember when most engines were designed with the distributor at the rear of the block. When you did a tune-up, you spent some time in the uncomfortable position of leaning into the engine compartment installing and adjusting the points.
It's some sort of cruel engineering joke that most modern cars have the distributor on the front of the engine in a very accessible position from which to perform maintenance. There's just one thing: no maintenance is required. Go figure.
Anywho, it's been a wild week. They're still cleaning up after Irene, which thankfully fizzled out and wasn't too big. The biggest political news was Obama scheduling his speech to a joint session of Congress on the night of a Republican presidential candidate debate that had been planned for months.
The British would call that "bad form."
Heh. The twelve NASCAR Chase drivers from last year have been invited to the White House to be honored. Five have scheduling conflicts and won't make it. BackwardsGal is tickled that her favorite driver, Carl Edwards, is among them.
Man steals tractor and drives it drunk. The next day, the tractor was unavailable for comments, as it was nursing a hangover. I'm here all week, try the veal.
Alcohol and politics rarely mix. Pennsylvania's wine kiosks have lost over $1 million taxpayer dollars. "It has shown that, with the aid of modern technology, the government can lose money while selling a highly popular product over which it has a monopoly."
Aging superheroes. (h/t to David Thompson)
Some good news about our current situation. It's in response to Mark Steyn's new book, After America: Get Ready for Armageddon, which Steyn notes as a caution, not a certainty, America is not the Titanic.
And finally, laser pointers aren't just for kittehs anymore...
Y'all have a good Labor Day weekend, y'all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Having Fun with Political Prognosticators and More
Yesterday, a certain Boy had a lot of commenting fun over at Ace's place, stay tuned for the details.
The Great Gibson Guitar Grab gets curiouser and curiouser. It seems that somebody named Michelle Obama gave somebody else named Carla Bruni-Sarkozy a gift: a Gibson Hummingbird acoustic guitar. And you'll never guess what the fretboard is made from. Go on, guess. OK, it's made from rosewood, the same wood that the Gibson company thinks is responsible for the armed raid by federal agents last week. They think that's why the company was raided, but they really don't know since all the feds' paperwork has been sealed and details are not forthcoming from the administration.
And another thing, the Lacey Act is a violation of something called the Constitution. It stipulates that you are guilty unless you can prove your innocence. Read the whole thing.
It seems that there's a new, warm and fuzzy name for the federales in Washington, the "Federal Family." Doubtless it includes Big Brother. Someone should tell Obama that Orwell's book 1984 wasn't supposed to be a documentary or an instruction manual.
Now, this is the type of mash-up I like, Hayek and Julianne Hough. Pulchritude and economics, together at last.
And now for the main event. Ace posted this yesterday in which a dude outlines 13 keys to a presidential victory and then claims that Obama will win because he has 9 of them.
Here's the list of the alleged winning keys...
1. No contested primary
2. Incumbency
3. No third-party candidate
4. Major domestic-policy changes in his first term
5. No social unrest
6. No major scandals
7. No major foreign-policy failures
8. Major foreign-policy achievements in his first term (killing Bin Laden)
9. Little charisma by his likely opponent
We Morons couldn't help but notice that the author left out a few key decisors that the present president has such as,
10. Mastery of helicopter doors.
11. Proven expertise in the operation of umbrellas.
12. Mad baseball pitching skillz.
13. Astronomically high bowling average.
14. A superior command of English.
There are more, many more, but don't click the link if you're easily offended by language that would make a sailor blush. Also, make sure that you don't have any liquids of any kind in your mouth, as they will follow the path of least resistance when expelled, which is out through your nose.
You've been warned.
The Great Gibson Guitar Grab gets curiouser and curiouser. It seems that somebody named Michelle Obama gave somebody else named Carla Bruni-Sarkozy a gift: a Gibson Hummingbird acoustic guitar. And you'll never guess what the fretboard is made from. Go on, guess. OK, it's made from rosewood, the same wood that the Gibson company thinks is responsible for the armed raid by federal agents last week. They think that's why the company was raided, but they really don't know since all the feds' paperwork has been sealed and details are not forthcoming from the administration.
And another thing, the Lacey Act is a violation of something called the Constitution. It stipulates that you are guilty unless you can prove your innocence. Read the whole thing.
It seems that there's a new, warm and fuzzy name for the federales in Washington, the "Federal Family." Doubtless it includes Big Brother. Someone should tell Obama that Orwell's book 1984 wasn't supposed to be a documentary or an instruction manual.
Now, this is the type of mash-up I like, Hayek and Julianne Hough. Pulchritude and economics, together at last.
And now for the main event. Ace posted this yesterday in which a dude outlines 13 keys to a presidential victory and then claims that Obama will win because he has 9 of them.
Here's the list of the alleged winning keys...
1. No contested primary
2. Incumbency
3. No third-party candidate
4. Major domestic-policy changes in his first term
5. No social unrest
6. No major scandals
7. No major foreign-policy failures
8. Major foreign-policy achievements in his first term (killing Bin Laden)
9. Little charisma by his likely opponent
We Morons couldn't help but notice that the author left out a few key decisors that the present president has such as,
10. Mastery of helicopter doors.
11. Proven expertise in the operation of umbrellas.
12. Mad baseball pitching skillz.
13. Astronomically high bowling average.
14. A superior command of English.
There are more, many more, but don't click the link if you're easily offended by language that would make a sailor blush. Also, make sure that you don't have any liquids of any kind in your mouth, as they will follow the path of least resistance when expelled, which is out through your nose.
You've been warned.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Whiskey Rebellion Edition
Mornin', y'all.
How about a shot for breakfast? This shot has something to do with the Whiskey Rebellion.
And, yeah, that's a firesuit she has on. She's a budding NASCAR driver who competed in the Canadian Nationwide series race a couple of weeks ago, Maryeve Dufault. Baby, you can drive my car.
In flight movie explains mystery of female pleasure. Hmm, it's about a dump-truck full of chocolate covered money?
This is how we'll win the war in Afghanistan: we just won't fart. I know we're trying to win hearts and minds in these days of politically correct warfare, but it appears the effort doesn't stop there.
Oh, and to every body in the way of Hurricane Irene this weekend, y'all be careful up there. This might be a big, bad storm.
From the Ace of Spades HQ Department of Snark: It's Totally Not Symbolic And Totally Not God Trying To Tell Us Something: Washington Monument Cracks
And finally, this.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
How about a shot for breakfast? This shot has something to do with the Whiskey Rebellion.
On this day in 1794, President George Washington writes to Henry "Light Horse Harry" Lee, Virginia's governor and a former general, regarding the Whiskey Rebellion, an insurrection that was the first great test of Washington's authority as president of the United States. In the letter, Washington declared that he had no choice but to act to subdue the "insurgents," fearing they would otherwise "shake the government to its foundation."Astute readers have noticed that I haven't had any pulchritudinous posts in a while.
And, yeah, that's a firesuit she has on. She's a budding NASCAR driver who competed in the Canadian Nationwide series race a couple of weeks ago, Maryeve Dufault. Baby, you can drive my car.
In flight movie explains mystery of female pleasure. Hmm, it's about a dump-truck full of chocolate covered money?
This is how we'll win the war in Afghanistan: we just won't fart. I know we're trying to win hearts and minds in these days of politically correct warfare, but it appears the effort doesn't stop there.
Oh, and to every body in the way of Hurricane Irene this weekend, y'all be careful up there. This might be a big, bad storm.
From the Ace of Spades HQ Department of Snark: It's Totally Not Symbolic And Totally Not God Trying To Tell Us Something: Washington Monument Cracks
And finally, this.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
"It's unpatriotic!"
A few quick things, I'm running late as usual this morning. Is there a way I can hook up a coffee IV and have it start about a half-hour before I get up? Submit your design in the comments.
Taking the President's Advice
Remember President Obama's Magical Misery Tour last week? He was asked by a farmer about the new avalanche of regulations about to come from on high. In a moment of high snark, the President advised the farmer to call the Agriculture Department about his concerns.
Well, somebody did, the results are here. Hilarity ensued.
Green Jobs? Shirley, you jest.
So, how's that "Green Economy" thingy working out for us? Not very well. But we knew that already. Why do otherwise intelligent lawmakers tend to believe what they're told by special interest groups instead of their own experience? We truly have the government we deserve.
Why we can't deal with criminals the good, old-fashioned way.
I always wondered when conventional wisdom concerning criminal activity changed from it being their fault to the fault of society. Now I know, and after you read it, you will too. How does such blatant bullshit become policy?
Robert A. Heinlein, man of vision.
Professor Glenn Reynolds runs this link all the time at Instapundit. I had never clicked on it until a few days ago. I highly recommend it.
And finally, intellectual and moral consistency are not President Obama's strong suits.
Presented without comment, but with a great deal of snark.
Enjoy this day, and be glad.
Taking the President's Advice
Remember President Obama's Magical Misery Tour last week? He was asked by a farmer about the new avalanche of regulations about to come from on high. In a moment of high snark, the President advised the farmer to call the Agriculture Department about his concerns.
Well, somebody did, the results are here. Hilarity ensued.
Green Jobs? Shirley, you jest.
So, how's that "Green Economy" thingy working out for us? Not very well. But we knew that already. Why do otherwise intelligent lawmakers tend to believe what they're told by special interest groups instead of their own experience? We truly have the government we deserve.
Why we can't deal with criminals the good, old-fashioned way.
I always wondered when conventional wisdom concerning criminal activity changed from it being their fault to the fault of society. Now I know, and after you read it, you will too. How does such blatant bullshit become policy?
Robert A. Heinlein, man of vision.
Professor Glenn Reynolds runs this link all the time at Instapundit. I had never clicked on it until a few days ago. I highly recommend it.
And finally, intellectual and moral consistency are not President Obama's strong suits.
Presented without comment, but with a great deal of snark.
Enjoy this day, and be glad.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Birth of Brickyard Edition
The planet has ceased to warm, the seas have receded and balance has been restored to the universe. In other words, Friday Bits of Tid is back! I just hope I can remember how to do this...
On this day in 1909, automotive engineer Louis Schwitzer won the two-lap, five-mile inaugural race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The rest, as they say, is history, a long and prestigious one.
As you may recall, I have cited one piece of awful legislation as the root cause of the housing market meltdown. I'm not the only one who noticed, Ed Driscoll of PJ Media has too.
Since it worked so well the last time, President Obama blames ATM's for the economic downturn again.
Remember when you took that European vacation a few years ago? When you got to rub elbows with some of the world's richest people and dated that supermodel during the best two months of your life? Um, that was a commercial: Ads implant fake memories in your head.
Dogs of Math.
German boy complains to police about doing housework. Methinks the police would have been justified if they had spanked him.
Motorized beer cooler lands driver in court for, well, you'll never guess in a million, zillion years.
Digital nipples.
Man steals, then returns children. I see one of two possible scenarios: either the kids were such a pain that he wanted to return them, or they just kept asking, "Are we there yet?" incessantly until the thief finally gave up.
What happens to butter before it gets fried at a state fair.
I've long suspected that progressives were bred in a secure facility in order to protect the general population from infestation. Now I have proof: Doctors grow replacement sphincters.
Here's a screamer from just a few months ago, How can we not love Obama? Let me count the ways...
And finally, Ace contributed this video, he just doesn't know it...
...yet.
Have a good weekend, y'all.
On this day in 1909, automotive engineer Louis Schwitzer won the two-lap, five-mile inaugural race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The rest, as they say, is history, a long and prestigious one.
As you may recall, I have cited one piece of awful legislation as the root cause of the housing market meltdown. I'm not the only one who noticed, Ed Driscoll of PJ Media has too.
Since it worked so well the last time, President Obama blames ATM's for the economic downturn again.
Remember when you took that European vacation a few years ago? When you got to rub elbows with some of the world's richest people and dated that supermodel during the best two months of your life? Um, that was a commercial: Ads implant fake memories in your head.
Dogs of Math.
German boy complains to police about doing housework. Methinks the police would have been justified if they had spanked him.
Motorized beer cooler lands driver in court for, well, you'll never guess in a million, zillion years.
Digital nipples.
Man steals, then returns children. I see one of two possible scenarios: either the kids were such a pain that he wanted to return them, or they just kept asking, "Are we there yet?" incessantly until the thief finally gave up.
What happens to butter before it gets fried at a state fair.
I've long suspected that progressives were bred in a secure facility in order to protect the general population from infestation. Now I have proof: Doctors grow replacement sphincters.
Here's a screamer from just a few months ago, How can we not love Obama? Let me count the ways...
And finally, Ace contributed this video, he just doesn't know it...
...yet.
Have a good weekend, y'all.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - End of Funemployment Edition
A big, ol' hound dog howdy to y'all.
Well, this has to be a sign of the Apocalypse: I have a day job. It's part-time, which allows me flexibility to keep playing music, but the downside is I won't have as much time to blog. Not to worry, I'll still be here to weigh in on the political news and offer up the biting insight all nine of you have grown to know and love. I just won't be doing it on my former regular schedule.
So, the quanitity may go down, but the quality will increase. Or that's the theory at least.
It's a major career change for me, but, hey, life is nothing but a series of changes anyway. Adapt or die is the phrase, I think. And who knows, I still might have time to blog every day, we'll see. Anyway, I'll be playing it by ear for a while, to coin a musical phrase, and see what I can do.
I really do enjoy blogging. It's educational for me, doing all that exhaustive Internet reasearch, which usually consists of about five minutes on Bing. I hope you find it rewarding and interesting as well. You guys are a small but dedicated audience, for which I am Thankful.
Onwards, toward the bits...
Remember Steve Wynn's rant against President Obama's weird philosophy from the Smackdown post the other day? He wasn't the only one. And someone really should tell Wynn that Obama's weird philosophy has a name: it's called Socialism, and it has failed spectacularly every time it's been tried.
Just a reminder. None of the Senate Democrats voted to raise the debt ceiling in 2006. This is another one of those little talking points Republicans fail to mention, along with the bazillions of other things they don't say. No wonder they're losing the public in this debate over the debt.
From WSJOnline, via Ace, comes this astute political observation from one of the nations' most well-respected left wing dingbats, Deepak Chopra. It seems he's worried that Obama might not be reelected. He offers up his reasons why Democrats are just oh-so-much-better than you or I. They're listed here with this warning: Do Not Drink Anything While You Read This, as whatever you have in your mouth will be forcibly expelled through your nose. It's a reflex, trust me.
Chase Bank is expanding and diversifying and evidently, taking over the duties of coroner. Chase Bank declares woman dead. You're not fooling anyone, you know.
The World's FastestIndian Suzuki. 311 mph.
Behold the wonder that is bacon.
(h/t CBS News.com/strange although I wonder what's strange about a cooking video, especially one with bacon, oh well...)
Here's a political trend that needs more, um, exposure here in the States - Women urged to strip to support Putin. Subtitle: Putie's Cuties.
And finally, if this dog ever has puppies, I want one.
Y'all have a good weekend, y'all.
Well, this has to be a sign of the Apocalypse: I have a day job. It's part-time, which allows me flexibility to keep playing music, but the downside is I won't have as much time to blog. Not to worry, I'll still be here to weigh in on the political news and offer up the biting insight all nine of you have grown to know and love. I just won't be doing it on my former regular schedule.
So, the quanitity may go down, but the quality will increase. Or that's the theory at least.
It's a major career change for me, but, hey, life is nothing but a series of changes anyway. Adapt or die is the phrase, I think. And who knows, I still might have time to blog every day, we'll see. Anyway, I'll be playing it by ear for a while, to coin a musical phrase, and see what I can do.
I really do enjoy blogging. It's educational for me, doing all that exhaustive Internet reasearch, which usually consists of about five minutes on Bing. I hope you find it rewarding and interesting as well. You guys are a small but dedicated audience, for which I am Thankful.
Onwards, toward the bits...
Remember Steve Wynn's rant against President Obama's weird philosophy from the Smackdown post the other day? He wasn't the only one. And someone really should tell Wynn that Obama's weird philosophy has a name: it's called Socialism, and it has failed spectacularly every time it's been tried.
Just a reminder. None of the Senate Democrats voted to raise the debt ceiling in 2006. This is another one of those little talking points Republicans fail to mention, along with the bazillions of other things they don't say. No wonder they're losing the public in this debate over the debt.
From WSJOnline, via Ace, comes this astute political observation from one of the nations' most well-respected left wing dingbats, Deepak Chopra. It seems he's worried that Obama might not be reelected. He offers up his reasons why Democrats are just oh-so-much-better than you or I. They're listed here with this warning: Do Not Drink Anything While You Read This, as whatever you have in your mouth will be forcibly expelled through your nose. It's a reflex, trust me.
1. Liberals are freethinkers who wisely question their own assumptions. "One of the virtues of being on the liberal side of politics is that total obedience isn't required. There are no hidden agendas. Ideology doesn't lead to unreason. . . . Liberal politics is based on a non-regimented, all-inclusive approach to democracy. Freedom of thought is paramount."
2. Conservatives, by contrast, are sheep who blindly adhere to crazy dogmas. "It feels as if the inmates are running the asylum--as in the current Republican threat to default on America's debt. . . . If you suppose that the average citizen remembers that the right wing are the very ones who got us into this forlorn tangle of wars abroad, financial collapse, out-of-control spending, and massive bonuses for the rich, you have not felt the power that fear exerts."
3. It is crucial to keep Obama in office lest the crazy, stupid conservatives take over. "The prevailing sanity of President Obama is something that others and I have taken for granted. . . . It was such a relief to return to humane, non-ideological governance when President Obama won in 2008."
4. Therefore, liberals should stop questioning him and give him their blind support. "All of us who have taken advantage of our liberal heritage to question and criticize President Obama need to step back and consider the radical nature of the opposition. . . . If ever there was a time to stand behind the captain, this is it."Please to meet your drug dealer?
Chase Bank is expanding and diversifying and evidently, taking over the duties of coroner. Chase Bank declares woman dead. You're not fooling anyone, you know.
The World's Fastest
Behold the wonder that is bacon.
(h/t CBS News.com/strange although I wonder what's strange about a cooking video, especially one with bacon, oh well...)
Here's a political trend that needs more, um, exposure here in the States - Women urged to strip to support Putin. Subtitle: Putie's Cuties.
And finally, if this dog ever has puppies, I want one.
Y'all have a good weekend, y'all.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Live from Washington – It’s Conservative Smackdown Wednesday Night Wrestling
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Conservative Smackdown Wednesday. I think you’ll enjoy tonight’s matchups as we have some of your favorite veterans and a stable of first time contenders coming your way. You won’t want to miss a single second of the action.
Tonight, Charles “Killer” Krauthammer takes on Nina “The NPR Ninja” Totenberg. Killer K is looking to add another win to his record of 143 and 7 with a victory over Totenberg. Don’t let this guy’s size fool you, folks, he’s packed full of dynamite, that‘s why he has the reputation he does.
Next up is Allen “Colonel” West against Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, “The DNC Destroyer” in a much-anticipated grudge match. These two have quite the history, going all the way back to the campaign of 2010 when Debbie the Destroyer issued her challenge to The Colonel at his event down in Florida. Something tells me neither one of them will back down tonight.
After that classic, we have Rick Santorum, the “Pennsylvania Pontificator” battling another newcomer, Dan “Rough Me Up, Big Boy” Savage in a match that I’m sure you’ll enjoy. This won’t be for the squeamish, so if you have small children, we suggest sending them to another room, this one might get ugly.
Following that, I’m told that Steve Wynn, “The Last Resort” will issue a challenge to one of the most famous stars in Washington today, “The Transformer,” Barack Obama. These two have been engaged in a war of words for weeks now, so stay tuned for that one.
And for our main event, we have rising star Joe Walsh, “The Illinois Illuminator” against the man the crowd loves to hate, Chris “The Tingler” Matthews. These two will square off in a cage match that promises to be the most exciting battle so far this season. Only one of them will walk out of the cage, the other one will be carried out. Who will it be in the best two out of three?
Llllllet’s get rrrrrready to rrruuuummmmblllll!
Here’s our first card, Killer K and the NPR Ninja…
Wow, what a performance by the wily veteran. The NPR Ninja was outmaneuvered from the start. He sure silenced that panel quick and in a hurry, didn’t he?
OK, let’s move on to our second match between The Colonel and the DNC Destroyer.
Hey, it almost looks like Debbie the Destroyer has the better of the Colonel. But wait, he’s coming back with a vengeance. He really aims to mop up the ring with her.
Ouch, that’s gonna leave Debbie confined to a whirlpool bath for a couple of days at least. What a pummeling!
Let’s pause for a word from our sponsors.
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. This next match pits favorite Rick Santorum against a newcomer, Dan Savage. I get the feeling Santorum is none too happy with Savage after last week’s insulting tirade on the Bill Maher show. He’ll be looking to settle this score quickly.
Yes, that’s a veteran in action right there. Kids, if you want to learn from someone, he should be at the top of your list.
And now, we welcome Las Vegas heavyweight Steve Wynn to our microphone. Steve, we understand you have something to say to The Transformer?
And now to respond, we have The Transformer himself, Barack Obama live via satellite.
OK Steve, I think you were heard loud and clear.
After the commercial break, we have the match everyone’s been waiting for, The Illinois Illuminator taking on Tingler in our main cage match. We’ll be right back.
All right everyone, here’s our main card. These two need no introduction to followers of the great sport of political wrestling. We know there are some of you out there who say this sport isn’t real. Well, we’re about to show you just how brutal it can actually be. So without further delay, let’s get this match started.
Wow, I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years as an announcer, ladies and gentlemen. The Tingler was certainly no match for The Illuminator. I almost couldn’t look, and you probably couldn’t look away. What a terrific beating. We hope The Tingler will be OK. As soon as we have word on his condition from our on-the-scene reporter at the hospital where he’s currently being transported, we’ll pass that information along to you.
We want to thank you for letting us into your home tonight and hope you’ve enjoyed all the action from here in our nations’ capitol. Please join us again next week for Conservative Smackdown Wrestling.
Tonight, Charles “Killer” Krauthammer takes on Nina “The NPR Ninja” Totenberg. Killer K is looking to add another win to his record of 143 and 7 with a victory over Totenberg. Don’t let this guy’s size fool you, folks, he’s packed full of dynamite, that‘s why he has the reputation he does.
Next up is Allen “Colonel” West against Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, “The DNC Destroyer” in a much-anticipated grudge match. These two have quite the history, going all the way back to the campaign of 2010 when Debbie the Destroyer issued her challenge to The Colonel at his event down in Florida. Something tells me neither one of them will back down tonight.
After that classic, we have Rick Santorum, the “Pennsylvania Pontificator” battling another newcomer, Dan “Rough Me Up, Big Boy” Savage in a match that I’m sure you’ll enjoy. This won’t be for the squeamish, so if you have small children, we suggest sending them to another room, this one might get ugly.
Following that, I’m told that Steve Wynn, “The Last Resort” will issue a challenge to one of the most famous stars in Washington today, “The Transformer,” Barack Obama. These two have been engaged in a war of words for weeks now, so stay tuned for that one.
And for our main event, we have rising star Joe Walsh, “The Illinois Illuminator” against the man the crowd loves to hate, Chris “The Tingler” Matthews. These two will square off in a cage match that promises to be the most exciting battle so far this season. Only one of them will walk out of the cage, the other one will be carried out. Who will it be in the best two out of three?
Llllllet’s get rrrrrready to rrruuuummmmblllll!
Here’s our first card, Killer K and the NPR Ninja…
Wow, what a performance by the wily veteran. The NPR Ninja was outmaneuvered from the start. He sure silenced that panel quick and in a hurry, didn’t he?
OK, let’s move on to our second match between The Colonel and the DNC Destroyer.
Hey, it almost looks like Debbie the Destroyer has the better of the Colonel. But wait, he’s coming back with a vengeance. He really aims to mop up the ring with her.
From: Z112 West, Allen
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 04:48 PM
To: Wasserman Schultz, Debbie
Cc: McCarthy, Kevin; Blyth, Jonathan; Pelosi, Nancy; Cantor, Eric
Subject: Unprofessional and Inappropriate Sophomoric Behavior from Wasserman-Schultz
Look, Debbie, I understand that after I departed the House floor you directed your floor speech comments directly towards me. Let me make myself perfectly clear, you want a personal fight, I am happy to oblige. You are the most vile, unprofessional ,and despicable member of the US House of Representatives. If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face, otherwise, shut the heck up. Focus on your own congressional district.
I am bringing your actions today to our Majority Leader and Majority Whip and from this time forward, understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior……which dates back to the disgusting protest you ordered at my campaign hqs, October 2010 in Deerfield Beach.
You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!
Steadfast and Loyal
Congressman Allen B West (R-FL)
Ouch, that’s gonna leave Debbie confined to a whirlpool bath for a couple of days at least. What a pummeling!
Let’s pause for a word from our sponsors.
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. This next match pits favorite Rick Santorum against a newcomer, Dan Savage. I get the feeling Santorum is none too happy with Savage after last week’s insulting tirade on the Bill Maher show. He’ll be looking to settle this score quickly.
Yes, that’s a veteran in action right there. Kids, if you want to learn from someone, he should be at the top of your list.
And now, we welcome Las Vegas heavyweight Steve Wynn to our microphone. Steve, we understand you have something to say to The Transformer?
And now to respond, we have The Transformer himself, Barack Obama live via satellite.
OK Steve, I think you were heard loud and clear.
After the commercial break, we have the match everyone’s been waiting for, The Illinois Illuminator taking on Tingler in our main cage match. We’ll be right back.
All right everyone, here’s our main card. These two need no introduction to followers of the great sport of political wrestling. We know there are some of you out there who say this sport isn’t real. Well, we’re about to show you just how brutal it can actually be. So without further delay, let’s get this match started.
Wow, I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years as an announcer, ladies and gentlemen. The Tingler was certainly no match for The Illuminator. I almost couldn’t look, and you probably couldn’t look away. What a terrific beating. We hope The Tingler will be OK. As soon as we have word on his condition from our on-the-scene reporter at the hospital where he’s currently being transported, we’ll pass that information along to you.
We want to thank you for letting us into your home tonight and hope you’ve enjoyed all the action from here in our nations’ capitol. Please join us again next week for Conservative Smackdown Wrestling.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Die Hard Edition
Greetings and salutations, y'all. We've made it to the end of another week, disappointing our ex-spouses once again.
All together now, "Neener, neener, neener."
On this day in 1988, the movie Die Hard debuts, moving somebody named Bruce Willis from the small screen to the big one. Yippie ki-yay.
If this was my son, I'd just go ahead and send him to Nick Saban today. 16 pound baby born in Texas. Before BackwardsBoyBoy was born, I'd go to the hospital where the then-wife worked and rock newborns whose parents, for whatever reason, couldn't be there. I had a great time in the process. Anyway, there was one young'un in there that weighed 13 pounds, "Fat Albert." You could pick out his cry above the others. Basso profondo I believe is the term.
From the "you can't make this stuff up" department: an Austrian wins the right to wear a spaghetti strainer on his head for his drivers' license picture. The article says he's an atheist and then says that he adheres to a religion known as "Pastafarianism." Pick one, mon.
Why catching Derek Jeter's 3000th hit ball may not be a good thing. And here's a high school pitcher who has been clocked at 90mph with both hands. I used to do that on my intramural college slow pitch softball team. Carried two gloves to the mound. It was great fun until I struck out my history professor one day. I did not get a good grade in that class, for some strange reason.
County eliminates ban on forest juggling. Well, it's about damned time.
Captain America motorcycle on display at the Harley-Davidson museum. From the new movie, not to be confused with Peter Fonda's bike from Easy Rider.
iChurchKey.
Paul, the clairvoyant octopus has gone to that great calamari plate in the sky, Not to worry, though, here's his replacement, Nelly the elephant.
Heh. A mysterious "W" appears on Obama's head. Well, he does seem obsessed with him...
From David Thompson, how to deactivate a cat.
And finally, I'll leave you with this little ditty.
Y'all have a good'un, y'all.
All together now, "Neener, neener, neener."
On this day in 1988, the movie Die Hard debuts, moving somebody named Bruce Willis from the small screen to the big one. Yippie ki-yay.
If this was my son, I'd just go ahead and send him to Nick Saban today. 16 pound baby born in Texas. Before BackwardsBoyBoy was born, I'd go to the hospital where the then-wife worked and rock newborns whose parents, for whatever reason, couldn't be there. I had a great time in the process. Anyway, there was one young'un in there that weighed 13 pounds, "Fat Albert." You could pick out his cry above the others. Basso profondo I believe is the term.
From the "you can't make this stuff up" department: an Austrian wins the right to wear a spaghetti strainer on his head for his drivers' license picture. The article says he's an atheist and then says that he adheres to a religion known as "Pastafarianism." Pick one, mon.
Why catching Derek Jeter's 3000th hit ball may not be a good thing. And here's a high school pitcher who has been clocked at 90mph with both hands. I used to do that on my intramural college slow pitch softball team. Carried two gloves to the mound. It was great fun until I struck out my history professor one day. I did not get a good grade in that class, for some strange reason.
County eliminates ban on forest juggling. Well, it's about damned time.
Captain America motorcycle on display at the Harley-Davidson museum. From the new movie, not to be confused with Peter Fonda's bike from Easy Rider.
iChurchKey.
Paul, the clairvoyant octopus has gone to that great calamari plate in the sky, Not to worry, though, here's his replacement, Nelly the elephant.
Heh. A mysterious "W" appears on Obama's head. Well, he does seem obsessed with him...
From David Thompson, how to deactivate a cat.
And finally, I'll leave you with this little ditty.
Y'all have a good'un, y'all.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Musical Edition
'Tis Friday once again. We made it to the weekend despite the best efforts of the world to prevent it.
Yippee!
Try to contain your enthusiasm.
This week brings some disheartenibg news from the entertainment world. Glen Campbell has been diagnosed with Alzheimers's Disease. He's planning a farewell tour. He's a great guitar player, composer, and star of country music and television. Here he is with Ray Charles.
It's time to tid.
Need rain? Try Craigslist.
Setting an example for today's kids - Children's author ejected from plane for bad language.
So you think you're hearing the word "unexpectedly" every time the Obama administration releases the inevitablely bad economic numbers? You're not alone. Pundit Press has this compilation of headlines with that word. As you might guess, it's a rather long post.
Perfectly timed photographs.
Really sharp knives.
I found this little video over at The Jawa Report. Enjoy.
Now for the music-type stuff.
Welcome to the Jungle.
DJ Didgeridoo. And yep, it's what you think it is.
And finally, the latest in oomphalapompatronium music. I'm glad I'm not this guy's roadie.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
Yippee!
Try to contain your enthusiasm.
This week brings some disheartenibg news from the entertainment world. Glen Campbell has been diagnosed with Alzheimers's Disease. He's planning a farewell tour. He's a great guitar player, composer, and star of country music and television. Here he is with Ray Charles.
It's time to tid.
Need rain? Try Craigslist.
Setting an example for today's kids - Children's author ejected from plane for bad language.
So you think you're hearing the word "unexpectedly" every time the Obama administration releases the inevitablely bad economic numbers? You're not alone. Pundit Press has this compilation of headlines with that word. As you might guess, it's a rather long post.
Perfectly timed photographs.
Really sharp knives.
I found this little video over at The Jawa Report. Enjoy.
Now for the music-type stuff.
Welcome to the Jungle.
DJ Didgeridoo. And yep, it's what you think it is.
And finally, the latest in oomphalapompatronium music. I'm glad I'm not this guy's roadie.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - End of the Weiner Edition
Well, it looks like we won't have Anthony Weiner to kick around anymore. He announced his regination yesterday in a press conference that looked more like a circus. Poor Weiner, it seems he has no skills other than that of a lifetime politician; what will he do now that he's out of a job and has a child on the way?
Not to worry. Weiner has an opportunity to make a move up from the world's second oldest profession to the oldest profession. Hustler Magazine's Larry Flint has offered him a job with a raise.
So, are we to assume he won't be getting royalties from his own doll? It's not only politically correct, it's anatomically correct too.
OK, now that this long national nightmare is over, we can tid with abandon.
Behold the world's longest living light bulb.
What the well-dressed Dad will be wearing this summer - a beer holster.
Apparently, it's illegal in England to shoot off your finger to get rid of a wart.
Prince William could've been an Auburn Tiger.
What Wonder Woman drives. A transparent 1939 Pontiac sedan.
Oh, the shark bites, with its teeth, dear.
Duude, is that, like, a joint on the side of Carl Edwards' car? Far out, man,
And finally, ladies and gentlemen, the PGA's own Golf Boys...
Don't quit your day job, guys.
Y'all have a good 'un, y'all.
Not to worry. Weiner has an opportunity to make a move up from the world's second oldest profession to the oldest profession. Hustler Magazine's Larry Flint has offered him a job with a raise.
So, are we to assume he won't be getting royalties from his own doll? It's not only politically correct, it's anatomically correct too.
OK, now that this long national nightmare is over, we can tid with abandon.
Behold the world's longest living light bulb.
What the well-dressed Dad will be wearing this summer - a beer holster.
Apparently, it's illegal in England to shoot off your finger to get rid of a wart.
Prince William could've been an Auburn Tiger.
What Wonder Woman drives. A transparent 1939 Pontiac sedan.
Oh, the shark bites, with its teeth, dear.
Duude, is that, like, a joint on the side of Carl Edwards' car? Far out, man,
And finally, ladies and gentlemen, the PGA's own Golf Boys...
Don't quit your day job, guys.
Y'all have a good 'un, y'all.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - Go Fly a Kite Edition
Weiner Week finally comes to an end. Sadly, the national conversation hasn't. It's too bad we can't seem to focus our attention on more serious matters, although having an online philanderer and liar in Congress is serious.
I miss the good old days when matters such as this were settled with a duel.
On this day in 1752, Benjamin Franklin flew a kite in a thunderstorm to prove that lightning was electricity. He is quoted as saying, "Damn!" right before he dropped the kitestring to let the circulation return to his numb fingers.
It's worth noting that Franklin's education stopped at age 10, which is well past today's current age of 5, or whenever kids starts kindergarden.
Let's tie our tids to the kitestring, shall we? Wait, that didn't sound right...
President Obama fulfills his campaign promise to make everyone's energy bills "necessarily skyrocket." Utility giant AEP will close five coal-fired power plants to comply with EPA regs. And you thought he was just kidding.
Obama's Sadim Touch: He mentioned a restaurant that was indirectly supported by his auto bailout. The restaurant is now closed. Could he give a shoutout to the EPA next time?
The Next Big Thing - Rabbit Dressage.
The US is now a world-wide joke. Kind of.
Autralian UFO documentsabducted stolen.
This story is curious. Not in the fact that there was no criminal activity at the house the SWAT team stormed, or even that the person who was the reason for the raid didn't live there. No, what's curious is that the Department of Education has a SWAT team.
And to think, we actually used to eat this stuff. Cabbages as art. Lettuce dress.
Duude, like, you know, some scientists should like, get together, and like do whatever it is they do to some pot, man. That would be, like, the bomb, man.
Assault with adeadly weapon dead weasel.
And finally, Hitler expresses his outrage over WeinerGate...
Hitler Upset About Weinergate from FTR Radio on Vimeo.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
I miss the good old days when matters such as this were settled with a duel.
On this day in 1752, Benjamin Franklin flew a kite in a thunderstorm to prove that lightning was electricity. He is quoted as saying, "Damn!" right before he dropped the kitestring to let the circulation return to his numb fingers.
It's worth noting that Franklin's education stopped at age 10, which is well past today's current age of 5, or whenever kids starts kindergarden.
Let's tie our tids to the kitestring, shall we? Wait, that didn't sound right...
President Obama fulfills his campaign promise to make everyone's energy bills "necessarily skyrocket." Utility giant AEP will close five coal-fired power plants to comply with EPA regs. And you thought he was just kidding.
Obama's Sadim Touch: He mentioned a restaurant that was indirectly supported by his auto bailout. The restaurant is now closed. Could he give a shoutout to the EPA next time?
The Next Big Thing - Rabbit Dressage.
The US is now a world-wide joke. Kind of.
Autralian UFO documents
This story is curious. Not in the fact that there was no criminal activity at the house the SWAT team stormed, or even that the person who was the reason for the raid didn't live there. No, what's curious is that the Department of Education has a SWAT team.
And to think, we actually used to eat this stuff. Cabbages as art. Lettuce dress.
Duude, like, you know, some scientists should like, get together, and like do whatever it is they do to some pot, man. That would be, like, the bomb, man.
Assault with a
And finally, Hitler expresses his outrage over WeinerGate...
Hitler Upset About Weinergate from FTR Radio on Vimeo.
Have a good 'un, y'all.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Friday Bits of Tid - First American Spacewalk Edition
Greetings and salutations, y'all. We survived another week, despite the best efforts of the rest of the world.
Give yourself a pat on the back. These days, you deserve one.
On this day in 1965 Major Edward H. White became the first American astronaut to venture outside a spacecraft. The Gemini program was an essential part of our race to the Moon. While not quite as popular as the other programs, it laid the groundwork for the Apollo missions. Legend has it that Gus Grissom and John Young, the two astonauts in the first manned Gemini mission, were going to crack a joke after their flight: they wanted to announce their engagement at the press conference.
You gotta love pilot humor.
A-OK, back to Earth for today's tidding.
When tap dancing shoes are outlawed, only outlaws will have tap dancing shoes.
Certainly, this has never happened before. Grandma beats would-be robber with cane.
You can't make this stuff up. Brazil may impose warning labels on underwear. "Warning. Accidents Cause People."
According to Michelle Obama, this guy should've been dead a long time ago. Man eats 25,000th Big Mac. Goes to show what she knows.
Duuude, did you, like, see where this totally cool new, like, pot superstore is gonna open up? Yeah man, it's gonna be called "Home DePot." Like, a buch of us went over there last week, but we can't, like, remember where it is now. Bummer, duuuude.
Kansas City police shoot concrete alligator. Aren't these guys supposed to have college degrees?
And finally, Lt. Commander Data raps about his cat, Spot.
Have a good'un, y'all.
Give yourself a pat on the back. These days, you deserve one.
On this day in 1965 Major Edward H. White became the first American astronaut to venture outside a spacecraft. The Gemini program was an essential part of our race to the Moon. While not quite as popular as the other programs, it laid the groundwork for the Apollo missions. Legend has it that Gus Grissom and John Young, the two astonauts in the first manned Gemini mission, were going to crack a joke after their flight: they wanted to announce their engagement at the press conference.
You gotta love pilot humor.
A-OK, back to Earth for today's tidding.
When tap dancing shoes are outlawed, only outlaws will have tap dancing shoes.
Certainly, this has never happened before. Grandma beats would-be robber with cane.
You can't make this stuff up. Brazil may impose warning labels on underwear. "Warning. Accidents Cause People."
According to Michelle Obama, this guy should've been dead a long time ago. Man eats 25,000th Big Mac. Goes to show what she knows.
Duuude, did you, like, see where this totally cool new, like, pot superstore is gonna open up? Yeah man, it's gonna be called "Home DePot." Like, a buch of us went over there last week, but we can't, like, remember where it is now. Bummer, duuuude.
Kansas City police shoot concrete alligator. Aren't these guys supposed to have college degrees?
And finally, Lt. Commander Data raps about his cat, Spot.
Have a good'un, y'all.
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