Thursday, April 1, 2010

What Henry Waxman (D-Nostrillia) Should Hear

The setting: Capitol Hill.

The occasion: Henry Waxman's House Committee on Un-Obama Activies.

The players: Henry Waxman and the CEO of Caterpillar.

Rep. Waxman, "Thank you for coming. As you know, I reqested this hearing in order to determine the nature of the statements by your company and others about the large charges that your company will take as a result of the passage of the glorious law which was recently signed by our Supre.., I mean President, that for the first time in history will enable every inhabitant of this great country to enjoy the rights that other bankru... uh, other countries, um, enjoy. I speak of President Obama's wonderful new Health Care Law.

I find the statements from you and other CEO's to be highly disturbing. It's important that we here in Washington who worked so hard to pass this bill be seen as the saviors that we are. Instead, your financial projections do not support this contention. In order to clear up what we consider to be outright lies on your part, I have asked you to appear before this august body to fully explain yourself and your effort to undermine what is the greatest accomplishment of our glorio... uh, president.

Did you bring the supporting documents that I requested?"

CEO of Caterpillar: " Yes, Mr. Chairman, I did"

Rep. Waxman: "I'd like them now."

CEO of Caterpillar: "As you may know, in my capacity as Chief Executive Officer, I'm contractually bound to uphold and enforce my company's policies, just as I am required by SEC regulations to report accurately to our shareholders any circumstances that will negatively affect stock prices. You may see our company confidential information as soon as you and anyone else who might see them sign these Non-Disclosure forms..."

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